


Just Remember Not to Love Me When I Disappear

by quietCrisis



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: (/disappearance), (Dream Drop Edition), AU: Nomura Respects Women, Aka Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Kairi, Background Soriku/Sorikai, Destiny Islands (Kingdom Hearts), Dive Into The Heart (Kingdom Hearts), F/F, Implied/Referenced Character Death, KH3 spoilers, Kairi has a lot of complicated feelings about a lot of people, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Re:Mind Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22653007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quietCrisis/pseuds/quietCrisis
Summary: Sora gave up his heart for her, so Kairi knows the key to him must be somewhere in her dreams. If she can just dive deep enough- peel enough of herself away, his heart must be inside her somewhere. That's how it has always been. The two of them are bound by destiny. So she agrees: she will dive into her own dreams, for as long as it takes, with a familiar face by her side to guide her.
Relationships: Kairi/Naminé (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Just Remember Not to Love Me When I Disappear

**Author's Note:**

> AKA: Cain is STILL mad about the end of KH3 and can't BELIEVE they have to do all the work themself. I'm really only good for doing character studies and DDD is one of my favorite Kingdom Hearts games so I'm sad Kairi had to miss out on the fun. Screw it, naptime.

"Off to the races again, Kairi?"

Axel's voice still set Kairi's teeth on edge, sometimes. She didn't hate him- she had to keep reminding herself that he'd apologized for what he'd done, that he was hardly the same person anymore. Even if he was still going by that name. Maybe that was his way of taking responsibility.

She rubbed her temples and poured herself a cup of tea from the worn pot Axel had been using. 

"Yeah," she admitted. "Until we find Sora, we have to keep trying."

"Mmm," said Axel noncommittally. 

That "Mmm" always meant something was coming. As if Axel ever needed to signal when he was going to open his fat mouth, when Kairi had long since learned to take it as a given. 

"What?" she asked tiredly, in between sips of Earl Grey. 

"Sorry," he began. 

He said that so MUCH. "Sorry." As if that changed anything. 

"It's just… you've been at this for weeks. What if he's, like...what if he's just not there?"

Kairi's jaw clenched unthinkingly. _Let it go_ , she thought. _He's trying to help._

"He's there," she said simply, sparing all her control not to snap at him. "I know it."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he said. 

Axel was gesticulating in that way that always meant he was searching for words he didn't quite have, expressions that were just out of reach. Training with Axel had taught her plenty about him, mostly that a lot of thought and effort went into being that stupid. 

That was mean. Axel wasn't stupid, Kairi knew that. It was more… he cultivated a certain kind of persona. He desperately needed to be perceived as cool and casual, because when he'd had no heart, the alternative had been to seem empty. The act was a front to hide an empty shell that had long since been filled. 

She guessed she couldn't fault him for that, even if he did make her roll her eyes once in a while.

Axel was still talking, she realized. 

"-not worried about you or anything," he was saying. "You can hold your own, y'know? But it's just not really healthy to spend so much time asleep. Trust me."

Even so, she was beginning to run out of patience.

"This isn't like Roxas and Xion, Axel," she said. "I'm choosing this. I can't just sit around and do nothing while I could be helping to find him. I would have thought you of all people would understand what I'm willing to do to get my friend back."

Axel gave her a wounded look, and Kairi immediately knew she'd made a mistake. Even with Xion and Roxas back, their loss was still a sore spot. Duh. She felt a stab of guilt, right in her heart, before a wave of light buried the fledgling darkness before it could take root. 

"Lemme be serious for a sec, Kai," he said somberly. "When I lost Roxas, when I was trying to hurt Sora, when I hurt you in the process...that was _wrong._ "

"I know," said Kairi impatiently. 

"Let me finish," he said. "Back then, I would have been willing to do anything for Roxas. I would've faded away in his place if I could've. If I was in your position, I know I'd've done the exact same thing, but Kairi, you're not _me."_

How keenly aware she was of that fact. 

"I know you want your friend back. Trust me, I get it. Just, like… you know Sora better than I do. That kid'd rather die than see you hurt yourself."

Kairi stood up from the table, placing her now-empty cup neatly on the saucer. 

"I know that, Axel. That's why I need to do this."

"Just-" he began. 

"I'll be _safe_ ," she said with a sigh that came out much more resigned than she would have liked. "Vexen and Ienzo will be there the whole time, and they know what they're doing. Naminé will put me under, and she's supervising the whole time. There's no danger, I'll be _fine._ "

She deposited her cup in the sink, filling it with water to soak. She'd wash it, but this conversation had already drained her of what little energy she had. 

"I'm not worried about stuff from the outside, Kairi," Axel said, mostly to her back, as she was already halfway out the door. "I'm worried about what you might find in _there."_

Kairi laughed reflexively. 

"What do you think I'm gonna find in the dreams of a pure light? I'm gonna be _fine_ , Axel. There's nothing down there that can hurt me."

* * *

"Are you comfortable?" asked Ienzo, making some minor adjustment on the exam chair. Kairi didn't quite know what he was doing, but there was a mild (Clunk) from the machinery and she felt just a fraction better. 

"Yeah," she said absently. "Yeah, I'm okay."

Ienzo was an alright guy. Perhaps it was just because Kairi had never met him when he was still a member of the Organization. It just struck her how much younger he was than the rest of the members.

And he was always perfectly polite to her, although he had that same halting bearing Axel did around her. Like he had something to apologize for, even though they'd literally never met. She wanted to hug him and wring his neck in equal parts. 

"I expect you've become used to this," said Vexen from the monitor at the far end of the room, tapping away at some program. "Let me know when you are prepared, and I will count you down from thirty."

Kairi really didn't know what to make of Vexen. He always talked to her from a carefully calculated distance. He really didn't have much in the way of bedside manner, but she almost preferred that. At least it didn't feel like he was _apologizing_ to her, although she had been informed (by Axel, she thought?) that he had his own sins to atone for.

She felt a soft hand squeeze hers reassuringly, and for once, she actually did _feel_ reassured. 

"Don't worry," said Naminé's soft voice from the seat next to her chair. "I'll be with you the whole time."

Naminé's presence was still a novelty, and one Kairi was sorely grateful for. There was a part of her heart that still sort of...ached at her absence. Naminé had been part of her for barely half a year, but in that time she'd burrowed neatly into her heart, practically faded away. There were times when Kairi nearly mourned the loss. 

But when she looked up and saw Naminé, eyes still sort of shining from the newness of seeing, of feeling, she couldn't bring herself to regret it. Naminé belonged to the outside world. How selfish she had been to keep her to herself. 

"This experiment is different from before," Ienzo reminded her, speaking while carefully securing the electrodes on her temples. "You may be under for much longer than our previous tests."

"I know," said Kairi, taking great pains to keep her voice steady. Naminé's grip on her hand tightened. 

"I trust you are familiar with the concepts we are working with today," Vexen said from behind the monitor. "Your compatriot Riku inadvertently underwent a similar trial when your friends took the Mark of Mastery exam. In this case, however, you will be diving into your own dreams, intentionally, and in a controlled laboratory environment so that we might collect reliable data."

"I know," she repeated. 

She was beginning to run out of patience for people explaining things to her that she very clearly already understood. She was so tired of being treated like a hapless child. 

"Are you sure you don't want to call anyone before you do this?" Ienzo asked, concern tainting his voice. "We don't know how long you will be asleep in the real world."

Kairi considered the matter, but at the end of the day, she wasn't even really sure who she'd contact. Sora was the reason they were doing this at all. Naminé was right here, and Riku...well, Riku had been spending more and more time with Leon and his crew. He had obviously taken the loss hard, and the last thing he needed was more stress on his plate. 

Which left who, exactly? She and Xion barely knew each other. She'd barely known most of the other guardians, in fact. Maybe Aqua would worry, but she doubted she'd have much time to think about it with the day-to-day running of the Land of Departure. 

"I'm okay," she said finally. "I'm ready."

She leaned back and closed her eyes, and she felt Namine move to grasp her hand with both of hers. 

"Thirty, twenty-nine," said Vexen, but his voice was soon reduced to a quiet hum in the background. 

A heavy fog overtook her mind, and she felt as though she were thinking through molasses. In any other circumstance, she might've found it disconcerting, panicked even. But she was safe here. She _felt_ safe. 

"Fifteen," said a miles-away voice. 

_You're sure about this, right?_ whispered another voice, this one much closer, seeming to echo around the inside of her skull.

Naminé. 

_Yeah_ , she thought back sluggishly. 

"One," said the distant voice, and she sank into blackness. 

* * *

Kairi drifted through blackness for… she didn't know how long. She fell until the feeling of falling became comfortable, ordinary, routine. She fell and fell and fell until finally, she saw a glimmer of light in the distance. It grew before her, like the ground rushing at a falling skydiver, blinding bright and solid white. The light seared at her eyes, her mind, made any detail of the surface she was falling towards at full tilt indistinguishable. Still, she knew deep in her chest that if she hit the ground at this speed, she'd be dashed to pieces. She'd be nothing but a dark splatter on that blinding white disc. The light filled her vision and she squeezed her eyes shut in anticipation of a pain that-

_Kairi!_

_Kairi!_

"Sora?" she murmured softly. "Riku?"

She opened her eyes, only to see darkness. It took her longer than she was happy admitting to notice; she was lying face down on a desk, her face buried in her forearms. Blearily, she blinked and sat up. 

Two faces leaned over her in concern, both of them familiar. There was the brunette girl, hair curled into her usual flipped-up style, caught halfway to pinching her arm. And then there was the other girl, slight and graceful, with her blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, looking at her with deep concern. Both wore the same uniform; a white blouse with a blue tie and blue skirt. 

Kairi rubbed her eyes. 

"Selphie? Naminé?" she muttered. "What happened?"

"You fell asleep in class again," said Selphie matter-of-factly. "I think the teacher was worried about you, 'cuz she just kinda let you sleep."

Kairi blinked, and saw that her desk was indeed covered with half-finished math notes. She groaned. 

"Maybe you should see someone about that," said Naminé softly. "It's been happening a lot lately."

"Yeah!" Selphie jumped in before Kairi had the chance to open her mouth. "It's that thing! Na...Ne...necromancy!"

"Narcolepsy," said Naminé with a tired fondness. 

Kairi sighed and began to collect her things, hoping just sifting through the notes might help her remember something about the class she'd just taken, but her mind was blank. Had she slept through the whole thing? That was kinda disturbing. 

"Hey, who are Sora and Riku?" asked Selphie, and Kairi almost choked.

"H-huh?"

"You said their names when you were waking up. You said 'Sora, Riku!'" Selphie's impression of her had never been very good, but she stifled a laugh anyway. 

She tried to draw forth the information from her memory, but came up with nothing but blank space and a humming pain in the back of her head. 

"Yeah, I don't know," she said, shrugging. "The names seem familiar, but I just can't place them."

Naminé frowned, forming a little crease between her eyebrows. She was worried. Kairi laughed and waved her hand, symbolically shoving the issue aside. 

"I'm sure it was just a weird dream, guys. Don't worry too much, okay?" 

"I always worry," said Naminé gravely. 

Kairi fixed the roll of her sleeve before she slung her backpack over one shoulder.

"I'm fine!" she assured Naminé, grinning and turning to Selphie. "Got any gum?"

"Always," Selphie replied, pressing a small, foil-wrapped rectangle into her hand.

Kairi unwrapped it, popped it into her mouth, and chewed. 

"It's Friday," she mused. "You two wanna hit the island?"

She felt an odd pang in her heart that she couldn't quite place, but it was quickly washed away by a wave of calm. She headed for the door. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my stuff! I'm gonna update this sporadically, but it's my baby so I don't anticipate losing interest too soon.
> 
> I always wondered why Kairi wasn't more uncomfortable around Axel. His redemption arc is great and all but I think Kairi is within her rights to be a little uneasy around him. I imagine she really WANTS to like him, but sometimes you don't forget people who hurt you that easily. She feels obligated to at least try, I think. 
> 
> If you like my work you can find me on twitter here: https://twitter.com/quietCrysis


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